{"id":708,"date":"2016-07-13T14:07:05","date_gmt":"2016-07-13T18:07:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/health.uconn.edu\/adoption-assistance\/?page_id=708"},"modified":"2026-02-11T15:54:48","modified_gmt":"2026-02-11T20:54:48","slug":"the-six-stuck-spots","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/health.uconn.edu\/adoption-assistance\/the-six-stuck-spots\/","title":{"rendered":"The \u201cSix Stuck Spots\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-709 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/health.uconn.edu\/adoption-assistance\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/68\/2016\/07\/photo_sixspots.jpg\" alt=\"Teen being bullied\" width=\"800\" height=\"320\" srcset=\"https:\/\/health.uconn.edu\/adoption-assistance\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/68\/2016\/07\/photo_sixspots.jpg 800w, https:\/\/health.uconn.edu\/adoption-assistance\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/68\/2016\/07\/photo_sixspots-300x120.jpg 300w, https:\/\/health.uconn.edu\/adoption-assistance\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/68\/2016\/07\/photo_sixspots-768x307.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><strong>Beneath the Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens<\/strong><br \/>\n<em>by Debbie Riley, L.C.M.F.T.<\/em><\/p>\n<h3>Difference<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8220;I\u2019m not like most kids\u2026my family is different.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I&#8217;m adopted, not everyone is adopted like me.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I don\u2019t look like my family.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I don\u2019t share my family\u2019s cultural or racial heritage.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Reason for Adoption<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8220;Why was I given away? Was something wrong with me?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;My birth parents used drugs, abused or neglected me, etc. What does this mean about me?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Why couldn\u2019t my birth parents solve their problems and keep me?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Missing Information<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8220;What do my birth parents look like?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;What\u2019s my real birthday, why was I abandoned?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;My birth mother wasn\u2019t sure who my birth father was.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Identity<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8220;Who am I? Am I more like my adoptive parents or birth parents?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;How can I figure out who I am when I don\u2019t know much about my birth parents?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I\u2019m not white like my family. Why won\u2019t adults of my race accept me?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Loyalty<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8220;I\u2019ll upset my adoptive parents if I ask too many questions about my birth parents.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Things were bad in my birth family, but I love my mom and grandmother and may want to see them one day.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I worry about my siblings who are in different placements.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Permanence<\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8220;If my birth parents gave me away, it could happen again.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I\u2019ve lived in so many foster homes, I\u2019m sure I\u2019ll be moved again.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I\u2019ll be 18 soon. Will my parents still be there for me after I leave home?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div><strong>A message to parents from Ms. Riley:<\/strong><br \/>\nIt is important that as parents you keep the lines of communication open with your teen as they embark upon this arduous journey. There will be days of frustration as you reach out and they push away. Don&#8217;t give up, hang in there and know that they do hear you. My experience in supporting adoptive parents of teens is that intuitively you are aware of the role adoption may play in the developmental phase of adolescents. For some of your teens they may need the support of an adoption competent mental health professional. I encourage you to be proactive and seek services early and not wait until there is a crisis. Reach out to other adoptive families to learn where effective supports are in your community.<\/div>\n<p>Debbie Riley, LCMFT is the CEO of the Center for Adoption Support and Education serving foster and adoptive families in the Washington DC metropolitan area. To learn more about C.A.S.E and resources that are available to you visit <a href=\"http:\/\/www.adoptionsupport.org\/\">www.adoptionsupport.org<\/a>.<\/p>\n<div class=\"testimonial\">\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>Please note: The Adoption Assistance Program (AAP) does not promote or endorse any websites, organizations or individuals that may be linked from this site. The AAP does not guarantee the accuracy of the information or the appropriateness of advice for a particular situation. It is our intent to assist users in their search for reliable and useful sources of information pertaining to adoption, legal guardianship, and parenting.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Beneath the Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens by Debbie Riley, L.C.M.F.T. Difference &#8220;I\u2019m not like most kids\u2026my family is different.&#8221; &#8220;I&#8217;m adopted, not everyone is adopted like me.&#8221; &#8220;I don\u2019t look like my family.&#8221; &#8220;I don\u2019t share my family\u2019s cultural or racial heritage.&#8221; Reason for Adoption &#8220;Why was I given away? Was something wrong with me?&#8221; [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":39,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"acf":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-04-11 21:58:50","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/health.uconn.edu\/adoption-assistance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/708"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/health.uconn.edu\/adoption-assistance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/health.uconn.edu\/adoption-assistance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/health.uconn.edu\/adoption-assistance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/39"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/health.uconn.edu\/adoption-assistance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=708"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/health.uconn.edu\/adoption-assistance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/708\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":881,"href":"https:\/\/health.uconn.edu\/adoption-assistance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/708\/revisions\/881"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/health.uconn.edu\/adoption-assistance\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=708"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}